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Do
These Women Ever Answer Their Fricking Ads?
This
one's for all those disgruntled men out there who are frustrated
because there's about a zillion of them competing for the attention
of a few cool chicks.
It's kind of ironic - the world of personals seems to be divided
between the women who get bombarded with too many responses - ones
that don't even match what they're looking for - and the men who
get a big fat nothing.
Basically,
it's the law of supply and demand. There's more men online - especially
on internet personal sites - than there are women. Last I heard,
there's 8 men out there for every woman. While this sounds great
for us gals, we get so overwelmed with responses - both good and
bad - that we don't have enough time to answer even the good ones!
This
isn't advice on how to get women to write you back, but some things
to help keep your ego intact while getting rejected.
No
one has written me back!
Now,
I know I said I was going to be gentle on your ego, but first, take
a good honest look at your response. Did it give enough infomation
about you for her to get a good idea of what you're about? Did you
give at least as much personal info as her ad gave about her?
This
isn't the same as taking a number at the deli counter - you have
to push a little harder than just showing her you're interested.
There's lots of guys showing her they're interested - you want to
stand out as someone she would want as a friend - someone with common
interests. Hell, after some responses I've had, I would have been
happy with a guy who showed he had ANY interests! In other words,
no one line "I saw your ad and I think you're neat" responses.
That said, you also don't want to sound like you're echoing her
ad word for word: "I see you like sushi - I like sushi. I see
you like antiques - I like antiques." Yaaaaawn.... BORING!
I don't
know how many times I can stress this - DON'T SEND A FORM LETTER!
If you're writing to so many women that you think you'll save time
by composing one all-occassion email - you're writing to too dang
many women.
And
don't make it sound like a monologue. Keep it conversational. Write
like you talk... and be sure to ask questions about her, too. There's
nothing more annoying that someone who writes a 500 word essay with
every sentence starting with the words I and my. "I am 22 years
old. I am a student. I have a cat. I like to play ping pong. My
cat likes to watch. I drive a red car. My car is fast."
I
know all that. I write good responses. Still... no replies!
Well,
maybe she found someone else. Maybe it's a fake ad. Maybe she's
on vacation. Maybe she placed the ad and forgot about it. Maybe
she hasn't gotten around to it yet. Maybe she fell down a fight
of steps and broke her arm and can't type. Maybe she got abducted
by aliens. Maybe she's in jail. Maybe she has amnesia. Maybe she
thinks your ok, but not "it." Maybe she's stupid. Who
knows? Don't take it personally.
Ok...
I got a response, sent her my pic and she disappeared off the face
of the earth.
Ouch.
It's hard to not take that personally. But don't let it get to you.
One person's idea of attractive is not the same as everyone else's.
That doesn't mean you're an ugly troll who has to hide under a bridge
and eat billy goats the rest of your life. There's so many other
possible reasons for someone to stop writing. Take all of the above
reasons and add: Maybe you look like her brother, her ex, or any
other person she doesn't want to think about in a sexual way. Maybe
she's incredibly fussy and particular.... ie - only dates blue-eyed
blondes with one webbed toe. In other words - don't assume it's
you.
However,
you should also look objectively at the pictures your sending. Are
they clear with good contrast and show you in a positive way? A
picture of you drunk as a skunk with the guys, or hanging all over
Miss Nude World, or in a snuggly pose with an ex, or (the horrors!)
dressed up in drag, are NOT going to win you many points with a
prospective date. Likewise, it's best to look happy and smiling
in the pictures.
So,
what can I do to improve my chances?
Only,
and I repeat ONLY, write to ads that apply to you. Someone reasonably
local who speaks the same language. Someone who is looking for the
same kind of relationship. Someone with similar interests/hobbies/traits.
If you can't send a picture with your ad, upload one to the internet
(most isp's offer free space, or use something like geocities) and
send a URL to a picture. Describe yourself in a fun, interesting
way. Don't pile too much information on her at once. And don't send
repeated messages asking if she got the first one. Desperation is
not attractive to anyone.
And,
like every person who ever gave advice always says, BE YOURSELF.
However, they fail to mention that being yourself won't do you any
good if you're a dipshit.
Do
These Women Ever Answer Their Fricking Ads?
Lorina
is the webmaster and administrator of Way
Too Personal, Dating
Review, Moonlit
Walks, and Dating
Advice Forums. She met her husband via an online personal
ad in 1999.
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