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Making
A Good First Impression
There
are no second chances at making a spectacular first impression.
Those first few seconds of contact become a benchmark for
every subsequent impression you make. We are a world in a
hurry, an accelerated pace keeps us competitive, instant assumptions
often lead to immediate decisions to accept or reject a job,
a deal, or even a potential lover. In romance many of us,
especially anyone who has been around the block, take a WYSIWYG
(what you see is what you get) approach. Why second-guess
the obvious? In just under ten seconds, enough time to read
the first few lines of an email, glance at a profile or extend
your hand and offer a friendly "hello," someone
is forming a first and lasting impression of you. Is it a
good one?
Your
Profile As A First Impression
Your
profile is a uniquely personal introduction. Think of it as
equivalent to not only what you say when first meeting a potential
date, but also what you are wearing, your posture, eye contact,
the firmness of your handshake--even your makeup, perfume
or cologne. While there is no one profile style that suits
everyone, a charming, humorous, poignant, creative or otherwise
distinctly unique approach may improve your results. Likewise,
there are some general breeches of romantic protocol and self-expression
that should be avoided. You wouldn't show up late, wear a
soiled jacket, or chew with your mouth open on a first date
at a fine restaurant, so don't behave inappropriately or to
your romantic detriment in your profile.
*
Use an uncommon or striking headline. Avoid boring demographic
descriptions like "SF Seeks SM for LTR." Instead,
have some fun. Be daring! Elicit an emotion! Express yourself!
*
Proofread. Spelling, punctuation and grammar are as important
as content. Think of the presentation of your message as a
way of dressing for a date. While clothes don't make the man
(or woman), no one wants to appear shoddy or unkempt.
*
Say it with style. What you say may not be as important as
how you say it. Play with language. Write poetry. Tell a story.
Perform stand-up comedy.
*
Be less-than perfect. Regardless of the style you choose or
the language you use to express yourself, be careful not to
extol your many virtues to the point of boredom, or even suspicion.
No one can be that perfect. Your minor faults and charming
inconsistencies make you human, interesting and approachable.
*
Avoid sending up red flags. Don't whine, complain or drivel
on about any problems in your life. Refrain from casting yourself
in the role of the victim, the egregiously wronged, or the
emotionally mortally wounded. Never use the word "desperate,"
or bring up war stories from past relationships. Be positive
and optimistic. Chaos, depression and drama aren't attractive
attributes.
Your
Email As A First Impression
Your
first email is like the beginning of a cocktail party conversation.
Introduce yourself appropriately. Listen as much as you talk.
Show interest in the other person. Be confident, but also
genuine. Make eye contact. Connect.
As
with your profile, first emails should follow basic rules
for presentation and content. Experiment and find a style
that works for you. Use the subject line like a headline,
proofread, be creative, positive and genuine. Avoid anything
canned or trite. Pick-up lines don't work and you will rarely
make a good first impression, or get a response using one.
First emails should always be individually written and work
best when conversational in style. Mention something about
the recipient's profile. Where did you sense a connection?
Ask a question or two and include some brief information about
yourself. It's OK to flirt or tease a little, even during
your first contact, but keep things light and friendly.
First
Impressions In The Real World
If
all goes well, your spectacular profile and carefully crafted
emails will eventually lead to a first date in the real world.
Although you may feel as though you already know each other,
you have yet to become familiar with each other's physical
presence, and that can take some getting used to. First face-to-face
encounters can be awkward or even shocking, regardless of
the positive feelings you already have for each other.
You
make your best real-world first impression by being calmly
and confidentially yourself. Try to enjoy the nervous energy
you are feeling. Have fun. Remember to smile. People are perceived
as more attractive when they are having a good time. Your
date will form an immediate first (physical) impression of
you, usually in under ten seconds, based on some combination
of these attributes:
posture
walk
body language
attire
physical characteristics
smile/facial features
handshake
grooming
scent/perfume
eye contact
perceived confidence
perceived comfortableness
Inside
Information On Positive And Negative Impressions
Several
hundred single men and women attending dating and flirting
classes were asked to list the attributes they find attractive
and unattractive in a potential partner. Below is a list of
the most frequent responses. Although many of these attributes
may not be immediately apparent, most will show up sometime
during a first date.
Attributes
Leading To A Positive Impression:
warmth
sense of humor
imagination
confidence
success
fitness
individuality
body language
conversational ability
aspiration
power
creativity
kindness
Attributes
Leading To A Negative Impression:
self-centered
closed minded and judgmental
lack of manners
poor conversational ability
negative life attitude
lack of education
immature
indecisive/without an opinion
lack of integrity
war stories from past relationships
whining and complaining
shallowness
only interested in sex
power games and manipulation
materialistic
There
are no do-overs when it comes to first impressions, yet many
of us fail to put our best foot forward during early romantic
encounters. We want to be loved for who we are and are leery
to "package" ourselves in any way. This is understandable,
but not always realistic. Dating is a numbers game and, like
it or not, dating occurs in a competitive environment. The
next positive, first romantic impression you make may turn
into life-long love--not a bad return on a relatively minor
investment.
Take
the first step towards making a great first impression. Create
your personal profile at Match.com !
Mix
'n Match Copyright © 1999 Match.Com Inc. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
by
Trish McDermott
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