Here's
a handful of important things to keep in mind when you're
answering or placing a personal's ad. If you're involved in
any kind of internet dating, you'll want to read this!
Get an anonymous e-mail account. You don't want every
person to whom you write to know your full name, and possibly
where you work. There's tons of free web-based e-mail accounts,
like Yahoo! or Hotmail. Make sure you don't have your real
full name visible in the outgoing name (for example, "John
Doe" <john_doe@yahoo.com>). If you're not sure,
send yourself an email and take a look. You can usually change
this in "options" or "preferences." I
usually just use my first, or first and middle name. Also,
for you AOL folks, it's good to use a non-AOL e-mail account
to avoid pesky Instant Messengers:
Pest:
"Hey, wanna chat?"
Me: "Am I in a chat room?"
Be
wary of those "blowing sunshine up your ass."
This is the people who have ALL the right answers, who tell
you what you want to hear, and seem exactly what you've always
wanted. The doctors, lawyers, and independently weathy. The
poetic Romeos. The intellectuals with the body of Adonis.
It's probably bulls--t. This is why it's important to know
what you want and stick to your guns. It helps here to have
an odd enough personality that the typical moonlight and roses
crap doesn't sway you.
You
don't have to repond to everyone! (When posting an ad.)
Lots of people are going to respond to your ad, especially
if you're a woman. When I first placed an ad, I tried writing
back to everyone who wrote to me. It's impossible! There were
times I'd gotten 30 or more e-mails a day, and trying to keep
track of them all... sheesh! You'll get people who write you
saying, "Please respond, even if it's to tell me you're
not interested." Don't. Don't do it for the same reason
you're not supposed to feed stray cats. They don't go away!
I *still* get stupid forwarded e-mails from people I wrote
to ONCE six months ago!
Don't
expect a response from everyone! (When replying to an
ad. Especially after they read my advice.) Don't hold it against
someone if they don't reply to your response to an ad. Don't
take it personally. There's many reasons for people not to
respond; they could be busy, they could have met someone else,
they could be out of town, they could be looking for someone
who is just not you. That doesn't mean they are bad, or that
you are bad. People are not like cattle... we won't hook up
with someone just because they are in the same pasture as
us!
Don't
let too much time pass between e-mails. If you really
are interested in someone, don't drop the ball by not writing
for more than a week at a time. Really, how long does it take
to jot off a quick e-mail to someone? As Cindy has said, "I'd
rather someone write me a little 'Hey, I'm really busy right
now, but I'll get back to you soon' after a day or so, than
wait over a week for a full-length e-mail. If too much time
passes, fah-getta-bout-it." By the time you might write
back, another person might have taken your place.
Be
specific! So many ads and responses generalize too much.
"I like reading, music, and going to the movies."
Reading what? What kind of music? Which movies? There's a
big difference between the kind of people who liked "The
English Patient" and those who liked "Pulp Fiction."
Is a guy who "Did It All For The Nookie" going to
get along with a girl who has "Friends In Low Places?"
Reading? You can read the Bible, and you can read Penthouse
Letters. It's not the same thing.
Don't
send form mail! Really, this is the kiss of death. It's
pretty easy to spot these all-occasion e-mails, and it's a
big turn-off. Ooh, baby! I know I really like it when a guy
doesn't take five minutes to read my ad and write a response
to me! I want a guy who will go out with ANYbody! This big
old fishnet approach works with catching Tuna, not with finding
a date. Even if you write a really good form letter, it's
gonna be pretty obvious when she gets the same letter a week
later, or when her friend gets the same letter. If you must
copy and paste, be sure to include a little paragraph or so
that is written personally.
NEVER
say "I love you" before you've met! This may
seem like a silly thing to say, but I've seen supposed "internet
dating success stories" that read something like "I
have found the love of my life. We are planning on getting
married. I am going to meet him next week..." Sure, you
may think that person you're writing to is the coolest thing
since sliced bread, but REALLY... you don't know someone until
you really meet them. Everything they're saying could be a
lie. That picture could be fake. One of my male buddies met
a girl who had been sending pictures of her sister!
Disclaimer:
This site is intended for entertainment and informational purposes
only. The opinions stated on this site are just that: Opinions.
We are not professionals, just people who have lived life and want
to help others gain perspective on their dating and personal issues.
We will not candy-coat advice or tell you what you want to hear;
we will tell you what we think you need to hear. Parental guidance
is suggested for those under 18 years of age.
