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Dear
Moonlit Walks,
What
happened? I was writing to this great guy online, had tons
in common, and POOF! It's like he fell off the face of the
earth! Did I do something to scare him off? Was he abducted
by aliens? Help!
Confused.
Dear
Confused,
First,
relax. How long has it been since you last heard from this
guy? If it's only been a few days, there's no reason to file
a missing person's report just yet. He may be busy with family
or work, and not had a chance to get online. He might have
had a system crash or virus. Your last e-mail to him might
have gotten "lost in the mail," or been accidentally
filtered by a spam-filter. His last e-mail to you might
have been lost or filtered, and he might be wondering why
you haven't written to him!
No
harm will be done if you send a polite e-mail saying something
to the effect of, "I haven't heard from you for a while.
Is everything OK?" If he's still interested, it will
let him know that you're still interested, and if he's not,
then you'll know he's not.
Ideally,
it would be nice if instead of falling off the face of the
earth, people did write, "It's been nice talking with
you, but I don't think we're a good match." But that,
too, can open up a whole new can of worms. I've seen a polite
comment like that escalate quickly into petty name-calling
and flaming. Most would rather avoid that. Plus, not everyone
is consciously aware that they've dropped out of site. I know
when I was meeting people through personal ads, I would often
have every intention of writing someone back, but got sidetracked
until it would seem ridiculous to write to someone I haven't
written in weeks just to tell them I'm not going to be writing
to them anymore.
Did
you do something to scare him off? Maybe, but that doesn't
mean you did anything wrong, it just means you two weren't
right for each other. Let's say you told him that you're a
vegetarian, and he thinks that's weird. Is that someone you'd
want in your life? No. He didn't weed you out, you weeded
him out. Using the internet to meet someone isn't just about
finding someone to date, it's about finding someone who's
going to be a good match for you. If being yourself "scares
someone off," they weren't going to be a good match.
Period.
Disappearing
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Review.
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