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Answering
an Ad
Despite
hearing from every wacko on the East Coast, and all the stereotypes
and horror stories, I'm still very much in favor of meeting
people online. Hey, that's how I met my guy! You really can
get to know that inner workings of one's head this way, if
you do it right. A good way to stick your big toe in the waters
of internet dating, without getting over your head, is to
answer a couple ads.
Worse
case scenerio? You get a little practice under your belt.
Best case, you could make a good friend, or more.
Do
a realistic search. Stay within a few hours of where you
live, stay close to your age group, and, as shallow as it
may seem, someone whose levels of fitness and attractiveness
are at least SOMEWHAT close to your own. (I'm sooo sick of
seeing all guys looking for someone thin/fit/slim, even if
they look like Jabba the Hutt, and all women looking for someone
athletic when the last workout they got was looking for the
remote control.)
Read the ad. This is very important. It seems so bleeding
obvious, yet I don't know if many do it. Read it again. Does
it apply to you? Does it appeal to you? Then respond. Don't
just respond because you like the picture. Don't just respond
because the person is geographically desireable. Don't just
respond becuase you think writing to every single person is
the best way to meet someone.
Start
with a catchy title. "Hi," "Hello,"
and "your ad" are NOT catchy. "You're Add"
is even worse. Copying the title of the ad is also cheesy.
To me, that translates to "I'm writing to so damn many
personal ads that I need to use their title as the subject
title just so I can keep track of them all." So, what's
catchy? That depends on the individual. If you've read the
ad (see how important that is?), then you know a little about
that person. What would catch YOUR eye?
Write
the response. DO NOT have a stock "copy and paste
response" that you send out to everyone. Actually write
TO the person. You don't want to give the impression that
you write to so many personal ads that you have taken the
time to write a form letter. If it's a halfway decent ad,
you'll know enough about him/her to start a conversation.
Ideally, you should tell more about yourself than the person
does in the ad. Basic stats aren't really as important as
personality here. Include the "driver's license"
type info here (height, age, hair color, eye color, etc.),
but it's not enough. Remember, this isn't a resume, it's an
introduction. You don't have to go into your job history,
or your love life history, or your permanant record from High
School. Just tell about yourself, your interests, what sets
you apart, etc., in a style that sounds the way you talk.
Don'f forget the little things... like re-reading it and making
sure it makes sense and the spelling isn't TOO bad.
Don't
lie! Remember the ultimate goal here is to lead up to
a face to face encounter. Don't say you're a lawyer if you're
a busboy, or svelte sexy bombshell if you more closely resemble
Janet Reno. Lies are going to be apparent once you meet, and
the other person is bound to be very wary of anything else
you've said. And a note about weight: Don't tell someone you
weigh what you'd LIKE to weigh by the time you meet!
It's
an introduction, not an "E True Hollywood Story."
While honestly is the best policy, don't shoot yourself
in the foot by being so brutally honest that you scare people
off! Really, do you walk up to someone in a club and say,
"Hi, I'm a 33 year old divorced white male, just lost
my job" or "Hi, I'm 23 and slightly overweight,
single mom; the kid's Dad bailed on me and won't pay child
support"? Meeting someone new is like peeling an onion,
you have to reveal things in layers, or you're just going
to bring someone (and yourself) to tears.
Flattery
will get you... somewhere. Naturally, every person on
the planet likes to hear that you think he/she is attractive.
Just don't make this the ONLY point of your e-mail.You should
really have something more to say to someone than you think
they've got great eyes or a terrific smile. Make sure you
mention something from the person's ad. It shows you read
it and are genuinely interested in learning more.
Snapshots
say a lot. You don't really have to include a picture
in the initial e-mail, but it doesn't hurt. Make sure it's
a flattering, but realistic picture of yourself. Let it show
you in your everyday life - not all dolled up in a tux or
evening gown. For more on pictures, see my article on Picture
Tips.
What
to expect, and what to do. After you've sent the message,
you just have to play a bit of a waiting game. It's important
to appear interested, but not desperate. So don't write again
and again until you get a reply. Don't take rejection personally.
Some people don't check their e-mail every day, or may be
very busy, or may be on vacation. My guess is if you don't
hear anything in a week, don't expect to. But when you do
get a reply to your response, it's important to keep the wheels
in motion, and reply back in a timely fashion.
Know
when to break the rules. Sometimes you do everything right
and lose, and sometimes you can do everything wrong and win.
It all depends on the individual.
Here's
some lines to avoid:
"I
just came across your ad." Ewww. You only need one perverted
response before you read more to that than you should.
"I
probably won't hear from you, but..." Ooh! Nothing like
confidence.
"I'm
not what you're looking for, but..." Then why are you
writing?
"Hey
if you decide not to write me back, please give me a minute
and tell me why." Well, then I would be writing you back,
wouldn't I?
"Would
you like to join an exhibitionist maillist group?" If
I have to explain why that's bad, there's no hope for you!
Any
mention of "moonlit walks," "watching the sun
rise," "candlelit dinners," "cuddling
by the fire," and all those tacky lines that people are
supposed to feel all squishy about. It just sounds like a
line. A bad line. As bad as, "I'm going to call the cops
cuz you just stole my heart!" It's dorky, it's cheesy,
and most people just roll their eyes when they read it. If
you do want to display that you are a genuinely romantic person,
do it with honest and originality. Once you meet, actions
will speak louder than any words.
Any
mention of sexual acts in the first e-mail. Big no-no here.
Unless, of course, you're on one of those personal ad sites
that encourage that sort of thing.
Answering
An Ad
©
2003 Lorina.Net
Lorina is the webmaster and administrator
of this site, as well as numerous other online dating and
personal ad resources such as Dating
Advice Forums and Dating
Review.
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