|
Love's
Changing Face
Anyone
who's ever had a brush with the thing called love knows that
this feeling so desired is also tough to pin down. There are
so many kinds. We've got lusty love, companionate love, fraternal
love, the kind of love you have for your grandparents, thrilling
love, young love, self love, and love mixed in with a lot
of pain-and many more. How can we survive a relationship with
all these different forms of love floating around? If you
can't survive the change, you'd better learn, since relationships
are filled with love that's ever-changing.
Love's
Frontier
You
start out a relationship with tons of passionate love, with
lots of lust mixed in. New love feels like you're climbing
a mountain-thrilling, with lots of new territory to explore
with every step. As the relationship endures (if you're lucky
enough to have it endure) you'll begin to grow to know each
other more deeply. Then love deepens, too, broadening into
a 'best-friend' and companion-style love. No doubt the lusty,
new love is still there, but starts to get filled out by these
other feelings.
It's
when love starts to change form that some people can't cope;
they sense the shift as a loss of passion. They sense a reduction
in passion, which to them means that something's wrong with
the relationship. But it doesn't have to be that way.
When
you feel yourself moving over into the companionate sort of
love, just relax. It's not easy, but try to let the relationship
exist at its level. It takes some getting used to but as you
may soon find you enjoy it, too. This phase I have affectionately
termed The Plains of Kansas. On the Plains, you are definitely
no longer in the mountains of love/lust, with all that unexplored,
exciting territory, where each step takes you around a new
corner, over a new rock. But The Plains of Kansas have their
own charms and benefits-you'll just have to look a litter
harder for what's interesting there, see a little farther.
You're in a place that seems to go on forever, with no apparent
markers or change in landscape. But if you pay attention to
the details, you'll find plenty to keep you interested.
Dizzying
Love
Of
course, the thrill of falling in love has its ups and downs
two. As love swells up then changes in a relationship, so
does your sanity level-or so it seems. On the first date,
maybe you feel some of your senses slipping away, "melting
into her eyes." After a month you may think, "I
don't feel right when we're apart." But you never had
that problem before. And of course, it doesn't feel like too
serious a problem to have. It is part of the thrill of love.
Let's
face it. Partners complicate our lives. First, we're driven
nearly crazy with the heady rush to love. Our friends will
wonder what's happened to us. Then, after a few more dates,
a few more weeks, both men and women wonder neurotically,
often desperately:"What if she doesn't like me as much
as I like her?"... "Am I being used?"... "Is
he going to pull away just when I'm falling in love?"...
"How much will a breakup hurt me?" Not pleasant
thoughts. But we've all experienced them at least momentarily
as we embark down the road to coupledom.
Love
can get even more complicated the longer you're in it. For
instance, lovers tend to know more than anyone about our weaknesses
and our strengths, our dreams and our worries. We allow them
in and give them Knowledge. It takes a while-at least a few
months-for this Knowledge to build up. But it will.
Be
happy that Knowledge can be used for good, to build us up
and make us feel stronger, more secure, and happier. But partners
also use Knowledge against us, leaving us feeling vulnerable,
sometimes abused. Being prepared for just how many "buttons"
are going to get pushed is important to keeping the relationship
going strong even during tough times. And all this happens
because of love.
So
take love, in all its forms, and embrace it. At least try.
Don't get scared when you first start to realize that "some
of the passion is gone," after the first month, or after
the first year. Right around the corner is another kind of
love that brings its own rewards.
Find
someone to talk to at Match.com !
Mix
'n Match Copyright © 1999 Match.Com Inc. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
by
Curt Degenhart
|
