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Everything
I Know About Dating, I Learned in Kindergarten
by
Curt Degenhart
Explode
your dating world. Reject all the rules, motherly advice,
insipid ideas about what guys want, and other pop schlock.
The time is now for a total annihilation of how you think
about dating and relationships. This ain't gonna be easy.
Making
Up My Own Rules
MatchScene
itself published "25 rules from men to women." I
had a very good laugh. In fact, it reminded me of lists I
used to make with my friends back in 8th grade: a bunch of
us boys would get together, list all the girls in our class,
and rate them as to their positive and negative attributes.
That was then. Now, I've got a better idea. Why not just make
one rule for guys to live by: "I'll do whatever I want
to do"? When you find that very few partners will put
up with that, you'll have to figure out what other rules you
can live by. Can't say you didn't try.
From
Boy to World: 9 Rules
You
could say that I think all these rules men and women are making
up about each other, for each other, are nothing but the ravings
of boys and girls grown tall.
In
response to the legacy these lists of rules have left us,
I've come up with my own list - from a little boy to little
girls. Please, pass it on.
1.
Don't touch my blocks. They're mine. I don't want to share.
If I do decide to share, you'd better give me something I
want in return.
2.
I never think about you unless you're with me. I'm not really
aware of others. In fact, I hardly think about myself. Of
course, I'm very young and haven't developed the cognitive
abilities one needs to think much at all about myself or others.
3.
If I'm not nice to you, tough. Go play with the girls. Maybe
we can talk again in a few years, or have some fun on the
playground behind the jungle gym. Please. Sorry I was so mean.
That's just the way we boys are. I can't help myself. Is there
any way I can make it up to you, except this Sunday 'cause
I'm already busy.
4.
Girls have too many shoes and too many clothes. I'm jealous.
The only way I'll get to wear an outfit with lots of accessories
is if I become a football player or a rock star. I better
start practicing.
5.
Boys don't cry. Only sissy girls cry. If I fall down and hurt
myself, I'm not gonna cry, but I might go off and slug someone.
But no way do I cry. That wasn't a tear you saw - that was
from anger.
6.
Repeat: Boys are not sensitive! Watch me smash this block
tower! ARRRRRGH!
7.
Don't complain about the toilet seat. You're lucky I even
hit the toilet. I can barely reach the rim anyway. Mom will
clean it up if I make a mess. A few dribbles never killed
anybody, right? You have it easy, you don't have to aim.
8.
I don't remember important dates. I can barely remember my
own birthday, although I never would forget it completely.
I'd be pretty upset if you forgot it. Don't forget me and
my birthday! Sorry if I forget your important dates, but it's
your fault for not reminding me. Sorry in advance for not
remembering.
9.
I like guns, torturing spiders, and playing ball. Please respect
my needs. They're what a boy wants. What can I say, that's
how I am. I can do these things whenever I want to. I might
do something girly with you later, only if you leave me alone
now.
Mix
'n Match Copyright (c) 2001 Match.com
Inc.
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
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